Living With An 'Invisible' Illness - My Health Story
Although I've come to accept everything that is happening in my life and with my health, talking about it publicly and out loud can still be a little daunting sometimes, as I never really believed that this would be my life and at times, if I'm honest, I don't really know what to think about it all, as it still scares me a little.
But I wanted to share with you all the reason for my absence recently and inform you all on everything that is and has been happening with my health, including my recent trip to Accident & Emergency and hopefully shed a little light on people living with 'invisible' illnesses.
Up until I was nineteen-years-old I was pretty healthy, in that general sense I was only ill when I caught a cold or a stomach bug, but once I was about to leave behind my teenage years, it suddenly began to change, out of nowhere.
At the time that it began, I was working for a care company and working a LOT of hours, usually around 60+ a week, and I had been working there for around four months, so when I realised my hips and legs were beginning to hurt I brushed it off as working too much and needing a break, because even looking back now, I was over-working myself and pushing myself to every possible limit, from sleeping and eating to generally just socialising, because I was too afraid to say 'no' and too afraid of letting people down.
Something I realise now was so so silly, I really should have put myself and my health first.
In the end, I did cut my hours back to something a lot more manageable and hoped that with an easier schedule and time to rest that my hips and legs would start to improve and get back to normal, as it was beginning to get painful when I was on my legs for extended periods of time. But I would not let it affect me or slow me down, I had always been determined, focused on work and making myself a career.
After a few months on this new work schedule, which I had genuinely enjoyed, I had began to feel better within myself but I had noticed that it felt as though my hips and legs were still getting worse, again I tried to brush it off and tell myself that I was fine.
It was in my eleventh month of working for the company that I finally decided that I needed to leave and really focus on myself, getting rest and getting my hips better.
It was such a hard decision to leave, knowing that I was willingly putting myself out of a job, I think I cried a few times about it, both before and after, as it was genuinely scary, I was nineteen, living in a three-bedroom house, bills to pay, a pet to feed and honestly I had no idea what I would do for money whilst I tried to get myself better.
I also realised - for the first in my life - that for the sake of my own health I had to do it, it wasn't worth the risk of worsening anything and doing long-term damage, so I left.
I then spent around three months out of work, not really doing much but trying to keep myself rested until I thought I noticed a difference and it seriously drove me insane, all I wanted to do was sort myself out and get out of the house!
But again, even leaving my job and doing nothing for months, it was getting worse, I was in pain all the time; walking, standing, sitting, it was constantly there and almost always to the point of tears. So that is when I decided, with the push of my family, it was time to see a doctor and find out what was happening, as I knew this wasn't normal anymore.
For some strange and unknown reason, I then told myself perhaps it was because I had stopped working and decided it was time to find a job again but this time only part-time...
Within a month I had gotten a interview to work with young children, doing before and after school clubs and I was even lucky enough to have gotten the call to say I had the job that same day and I was so excited.
And within that same month I had also started the process of finding out what was wrong, I had an x-ray, multiple blood tests, I was seeing a physiotherapist, so I was feeling a lot more positive, things were looking up again and I was sure they were going to find what was happening and be able to sort it.
After seeing my physiotherapist I learnt that I have scoliosis of the spine, meaning that my spine curves off to one side instead of going straight up and at the time they thought that it could have been the scoliosis causing the pain I was having in my hips and legs.
I tired some kind of electric treatment which involved having huge suction cups on my back that let through electric pulses but unfortunately it also burnt a little, I would be left with huge red circular marks on the bottom of my back that stung a little and it didn't really do anything for me either, so we decided we didn't want to worsen anything and stopped the physiotherapy.
After around 3 months of working at my new place of employment the pain had worsened dramatically and due to that I decided that it would be best to leave and focus on finding out what was wrong without worsening it in the process.
I have been out of work since and have been undergoing many tests along the way, including a MRI scan which I have written previously about, and I also found out that I have a Vitamin D deficiency which I will now have to take tablets for for the rest of my life.
Forwarding to today, almost two years after this all began, and the pain is still a constant thing that never leaves, I've found that stairs have gotten a lot harder to walk up and down and my general walk has gotten a lot slower.
In the last 3 months I have also noticed that my knees will now bend in when I walk, which unfortunately I was recently laughed at for whilst walking back from my local shop,
which is something that had made me feel so insecure for the first time in years that I had cried when I got home, so please never make fun of things that you may not understand.
Many people live with illnesses that you may not see or fully notice but it effects that person's everyday life.
I also spent a weekend recently in and out of hospital due to my heart and breathing.
My heart rate had been high for a few days, I had been feeling unwell, and I was having chest pains, so on the fourth day, when my chest had begun to feel weird I decided to give my mum a call and take myself into the hospital, which was extremely smart of myself!
When I got there they checked my heart rate and I was told I should have came in the first day it had started, I was having what they call palpitations, so I was soon hooked up to a machine, having an x-ray, blood tests, an ECG and was put on a drip.
They never did come to a full conclusion as to why it had happened so out of the blue, but they managed to get my heart and breathing back to it's normal self so I was able to come home but I was told I had to rest up and not do anything until I had seen my own GP.
At the moment they do think that my hips and legs could be connected to my chest, as I was told that the muscle and cartilage are the same in both of those areas, but I have been told numerous times in the past that they believe that it could be this and that and so far it hasn't been, so I made a decision that until I know 100% what it is, not to worry.
Of course, I am aware of all the possibilities, I know that I cannot over work myself, I cannot walk for hours and hours like I used to and at the moment I am unable to even work-out until we have a better idea of what is going on, as to not worsen the condition.
Within the last two years my weight has also fluctuated a lot, I had lost a lot and was classed as underweight and for the first time in my life I had actually wanted to gain weight and make sure that I was healthy, as everything that had been happening really put into perspective how important looking after ourselves and our bodies is.
I have since gained some weight back, which I am so happy about, and have finally gotten myself back to just over 7-stone. I still have a way to go to be the healthy weight I want to be but I am slowly getting there and cannot wait until I am able to work-out too so I can really start adding the calories on!
I'm now finally getting back to feeling myself after that horrid weekend in hospital, and am currently waiting to see my specialist doctor again in September to discuss more tests.
I have recently had a tiny bit of a set back with how I've been feeling but want to push myself through it and get myself better.
I really believe that young people should do so much more to insure that they are doing all they can to look after their health, as it really is the most important thing and you don't always get a second chance when to comes to your health.
Please feel free to leave a comment below or ask any questions that you may have, also let me know if you would like for me to keep you updated on my health or weight journey with new posts when there is an update.
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